Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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