I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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