I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
