He uses pillows to masturbate.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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