apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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