Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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