I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
