i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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