You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
