His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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