I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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