we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize