Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
