Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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