when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
