Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
