Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
