I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
