A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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