Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
