Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
