he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize