we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
