i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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