you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
