If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
