i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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