the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
