We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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