i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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