all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize