If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
