So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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