The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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