Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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