it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
