Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
nutella sex= disaster
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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