WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
did i just pee glitter
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
