I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
