It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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