Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
