is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
