but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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