Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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