I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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