i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
