Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
