Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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