Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
