Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
