Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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