fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
