I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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