Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Come share oat with me in your robe
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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