1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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