I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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