take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
