Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
