arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Bring me that man meat
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
