I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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