you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
