I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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