Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
