I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
