Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
