I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
