My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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