I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
