he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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