is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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