I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
