i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
